Deepening Belief

My mother's funeral was last Sunday. She had a full life, traveling around the world, meeting interesting people, and she was alert right up to the end of her 96-1/2 years. When she finally went, it was about as quickly and peacefully as possible, with a close friend at her side. I consider that a blessing, and just the flow of life.

So I'm ok, keeping busy with family affairs. I wouldn't find much time to train these days, except I tend to see everything as a chance to be aware. Whether sparring, driving a car or inhaling the smell of food before eating and taking time to savor each bite, I try to remember to check in to the moment. How am I doing emotionally? Are there physical manifestations I can adjust? I take a breath and let it go, and let my senses go out to the environment …

Last night I took my teenager out to dinner. Grandma's death has been a profound experience, and so this was a teachable moment. I got to talking about quantum physics, whether something is a particle or a wave (it's both) and the concept of the field. I was describing how at the quantum level, the presence of the observer in and of itself affects the experiment (the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle), which means that thought are things (like the old sacred dudes taught, I said) and so with focus and intent, we can affect our surroundings. No accident I was steered to martial arts by some pretty attuned people.

I'm explaining how the ability to be centered creates a calmer environment around oneself to which people intuitively respond favorably. I used to be more high-strung, so the shifts in reactions at this stage of life are really cool. Anyway, we've just got our drinks (coke for her, Negro Modelo for me) and I'm saying fish don't notice the medium they swim in - and neither do we, which I can see has caught her attention. I stare into my beer and inhale its fragrance; I rhapsodize how perfect it is in that moment and she tries to hide a smile …

Suddenly a baby starts crying nearby. My kid is annoyed, and I just toss off a comment about no, don't just let things affect you, you affect it; send a cool vibe like your thought is a thing and it impacts the field accordingly. Then I stopped talking and just settled myself with a deep breath, and in a moment or two the room was quiet and peaceful! I love synchronicity, the idea that the universe supports one’s premise.

Would the room have settled so quickly if I had not been in that space? I choose to trust the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to validate the possibility. The lesson for me these days is how belief makes energy work. Belief is not thought, though thought can be a part of it. Belief is simply certainty, as real to the body as to the mind.

It seems basic, but even on the physical level we’re directing energy to do anything. You think you can, you can. You think you can't; you get that too. We make choices. Martial arts taught me focus and concentration. Meditation is awareness. It's something I try to apply to everything, in every moment. That is a gift I take from my mother’s death, a deepening realization that each moment is precious, and taking the time to acknowledge more of life. The more I practice remembering to do this, the easier it seems to become.

Here is an interesting blog on psychic phenomena and martial arts.

Controlling Our Emotional Reactions

The only thing we really control is ourselves, and every time we get angry, we've allowed someone else to manipulate us by pushing our hot buttons. When we feel emotions rising, we might want to ask ourselves how we are playing into someone else's game. Are we really that easy? If we allow ourselves to act unconsciously, then yes, we are.

One of the benefits of meditation is creating space within ourselves to be able to observe how our own thoughts and emotions arise. When we learn to separate ourselves from such phenomena, we gain greater control over our ability to choose our own direction for ourselves.

Think of difficult people as challenges to our own self-control. There are many who will test us simply because their own lives are uncontrolled. Their sense of self-worth is validated externally, so by provoking us they feel as though they exist and have importance, forcing the world to acknowledge them. Calmness may fluster them because they don't understand it. They don't feel at peace within themselves. If they can get others to match their own internal state, then they feel a sense of recognition; they live within their own world of stormy emotions and so invite us to join them there.

Conversely, if we remain calm and weather their outbursts, we may be able to plant a seed of calmness within them, creating an anchorage against the pain of being tossed by what they themselves cannot control. At the least it may allow their own rage to expend itself, until they are too tired or bored to continue their assaults against ourselves. Think of advice given for dealing with aggressive animals. If a dog or even a bear charges and we run, we become a moving target to be taken down. On the other hand, if we stand in place (dogs) or curl up in a ball (bears) we have a much better chance of surviving.

Cats that run from dogs will be chased and killed if they cannot escape. On the other hand, those that sit immobile may still attract initial attention, but after nosing around, a dog will generally get bored and leave. I've witnessed both. Why do deer freeze when caught in headlights? It's because that is their defense against drawing predators into the chase.

Aggressive humans are also predators. Think of them as emotional vampires who feed off the response of their victims. They may seem strong, but in reality their weakness is their need to feed off of others. If they do not get the reaction they seek, they are lost.

I've been in dangerous situations where remaining calm defused assault, and I know women who have avoided rape in the same manner. Even if we have to fight, it is better to do it with a clear head than one clouded by fear. Fear has its place as a warning, motivating a response, but do we want others to be able to use it to pull us into their trap? If we consciously note rising emotions, we can deal with them before we hit crisis mode, and that generally is the better response.