This is a newsletter I received from Guro Peter Freedman, a colleague on the East Coast. As one who has studied NLP and hypnotherapy, I recognize and strongly agree with what he has to say. Too often I've seen students acquire skills but then fail to actualize their knowledge based on lack of self-esteem. With Peter's permission, I've posted his writing below.
Jeff "Stickman" Finder
Hello to All,
I want to take a moment to address some thing that has an effect on all of us, not just children but also adults. I want to take a moment and address that inner child that is in every adult. I want to address the issue of insecurity. This feeling of not being good enough or afraid to fail or even to look like a clown in front of others or afraid to make mistakes.
The fear of failing. Even the fear of not knowing some thing well enough. The fear of looking or sounding stupid. The fear of dancing etc.; the fear of being yourself. This inner fear started some where during our childhood and has remained with us into adulthood.
This inner fear we call insecurity keeps us from accomplishing our goals. It keeps us from getting ahead in a struggling world. It pulls us down from becoming happy. It stops us in our tracks from trying new adventures or even reaching our goals or setting new goals. This inner fear cripples us to a point where we feel and think we are not good enough to accomplish things on our own or to learn new skills. It stops us from just trying something, anything, new.
People who are insecure feel as though they must please others so they (the insecure) can get the approval from others to try something new with out worry of ridicule. This insecurity or inner fear prevents us from making new friends or getting into new relationships. It can also push us into bad relationships we will regret later. This insecurity (inner fear) can cause us to make bad business decisions that can effect our welfare for not just us but our families as well.
A Child's Confession - Wisdom of a Guro
I have been teaching martial arts since the 1970s and it has been quite a journey for me. Through the martial arts I have learned much about myself. Through the martial arts I have learned much about other people as well. What I call natural and common sense of reading people others might call psychic abilities. I say this is just wisdom gathered over the years of trying to understand myself and my interaction of others who share this planet with me. What I have come to take notice during my life time on this planet so far and up to this point in time I will share with you here and now openly.
I have been really listening to all my students for the past ten years now more clearly than I ever could have listened before. Not sure why this new ability has awakened in me - (my ability to hear more deeper and clearer) but it just did and I am thankful for it.
I have been listening to my kids in my kids martial art classes talk, both kids and teenagers alike. What I hear is saddening. I hear them say to me all the time that they are not worthy. I hear them say to me that they are not good enough. Now I have not only noticed this in the kids and teenagers class but also in the adults class. I have seen a common thread that links all of us together, children - teenagers - adults, a common mind that has brought us to live our lives for the belief or care of what others might think, or do think, of us. We become crippled so badly that we wave our own rights of happiness in favor of what others may think of us.
When teaching all ages I have come to notice what people say to me. I notice how they use their hands while they are explaining themselves. I watch their body language and facial expressions while they talk and I listen to the level of vibrations in their voice. Also I hear the volume of when their voice rises or falls when using certain key words. These key words coupled with their body language is what sets off my mind to start taking notice there is a problem that needs my attention.
This I call the wisdom of the Guro. Here is an example of what I mean.
One child confessed to me that he is not too bright and is in fact stupid. This hurt me deeply to hear such a young child say such a thing about himself. I asked him “where did you hear such a thing.”
He said “my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my cousins, my friends,” even his school teacher. He mentioned that the only place he did not hear this was in my school and in my presence. So everywhere else he travels he has been made to believe he is stupid and not worthy of anything.
I was taken back by this and went against the grain and told him he is a very bright individual. Also I mentioned that he should not accept words like that because he will start believing in these words over a period of time and it will have ill effects on him when he grows up into an adult.
I have recently had talks with his parents and they did not recognize or know they were causing this kind of effect on their child. I told them they need to speak with the school teacher as well and other family members to curb how and what they say to this child.
They are destroying this young mind before it even can get a chance to grow into something positive. I explained to the parents that what they have been doing they have actually learned from their parents and without knowing it, they are actually keeping the chain going strong in their family now.
I have heard adults tell me the reason they can’t train with me now is because they don't have what it takes to be able to do what I am teaching them or sharing with them. They lack coordination to do the drills at hand. My question to these adults is, what else are you stopping yourself from experiencing in life in the belief lack of coordination or know how. Is that really the reason, or are you afraid of what others may think of you if you make a mistake or look foolish in front of these people?
You see it all starts in childhood. You wear some thing that your parents don't like and they tell you so and so will see you. Do you want so and so to think this of you? I say tell so and so to go get lost and start living your own life and let out your spirit.
Start enjoying your life now. Stop caring what others may think of you and be happy. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and try some thing new. After all our reason for being here on this planet is to experience life. Why not go and get the best experience you can before it is too late and life comes to an end for you.
Martial art is a great way to learn to express your self and grow your confidence, as long as your martial art teacher fosters this approach of allowing you to be yourself (and some do not).
Start checking in with your self and taking inventory. Start questioning all the reasons why you have not enjoyed yourself or taken on new adventures in life. Why are you afraid? Question everything.
I can go deeper on this subject but your eyeballs will fall out with all the reading you would be doing. Come to class & I will be happy to talk with you and explain more.
Bring a troubled friend. Give them the gift of freedom of soul through martial training.
NOW -- Don't Worry - Be Happy! And Experience life!
Please write to me with any questions you may have. I want to wish you all a very healthy and happy thanks giving.
Guro Peter Freedman
Weare - Manchester NH Dojo (603)529-3564